What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 05:42
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was scared of men, in general
Why didn’t Obito confront Kakashi after he witnessed him kill Rin?
She wouldn,t have been !
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But, we were locked up after school.
My life is so biszare .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why aren't you a Trump supporter?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It was going to be , some day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was seconnd youngest,
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On the 31st of Jan this month .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
What smell will you never forget?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I will be 64.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
Why is there no great temptress figure in any of Tolkien’s major works?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why did i forgive my father ?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My family never makes their pension either.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So whats the point in blame.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I think the readers, may guess!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One cannot live in the past .
We were not on the streets..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Comes on , in middle age.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Who then, do I blame.?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
When she asked me how she looked .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I don,t even have a pension.
And i lived it daily.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She loved him until the end.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What did i know ?
He resisted the act ,that day.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was very sick at this time too.
I write beautiful poetry .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She found it foreign!.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was 9 years of age.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I could never make a relationship work though!
But ive been too sick for many years..
She married twice! .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I waited trembling.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im still living with it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I said to her
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He knew the spot.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As i do to all so called friends.?
All the time i was locked up.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Ive learnt so much.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So, i spoilt her more .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
This is soul school!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Would this be the day?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I have no regrets .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We all went to grammer schools
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Put me off passion for life!!
She was in good health!